1.    A Good Lawyer

Well, well, well…big surprise here.  A lawyer recommending you hire a lawyer.  Seriously, lawyers who focus on family law are a little jaded to the day to day drama of family division.  While highly sensitive to the needs of my clients, I know when something is just a big deal to you at this moment or whether it is really a game changer that has to be dealt with or your rights will suffer.  I can explain why you should or should not be concerned about things that happen and in this way keep you calmer and more rational when making important decisions that will affect you down the road.

 

2.     A Sense of Humor

While grieving the loss of a relationship it may seem inappropriate to laugh, but really the best humor gets at our deepest feelings so if something strikes you as a little off or funny it probably means you have stumbled on a kernel of truth about your situation.  Cherish it and laugh.  The act of releasing tension that laughter allows will help break the cycle of anger and concern you may feel at other times in the process.

 

3.      Put It in Writing

Writing is cathartic.  The physical act of typing on keys or writing with pencil or pan and paper helps us let go of our feelings and release them.  It also helps organize our thoughts.  Often the mind becomes cluttered with thoughts seemingly flying around in a tornado of emotion.  Writing down the thoughts let’s us see them clearly or gets them out of our minds to make room for new ideas.  If you are working on money or child custody issues, writing down financial information or custody schedule information can assist your lawyer or the court in helping you come to a settlement where if the ideas were just vague in your mind they might not be as helpful.  So put it in writing.  You will feel better.

4.     Reach Out

Seek support wherever and whenever you can.  The world is full of people who can help you but they can’t do it if you don’t make your needs known.  Talk to people and share a little bit about the challenges you face and you will soon have ideas on next steps to take.  Churches, hospitals, and other organizations have support groups that often meet free of charge.  Seek professional help from a mental health provider if you are feeling especially stressed or unable to manage your emotional issues.

5.  Don’t Neglect the Things You Enjoyed Before You Started The Divorce Process

If you have hobbies or interests, stay with them.  There is this tendency with people if they are in upheaval to abandon ordinary things in their lives that give them pleasure and happiness.  They let the big event take over everything.  Take time out for yourself.  Read, paint, draw, make or listen to music, write, take photographs, scrapbook, cook…whatever it is.  Gardening and being out in nature are especially good for the spirit if you have access to these activities.  Remember there was life before the divorce and there will be life after, therefore there must also be some living during the process.