Tag Archive: money


1.    A Good Lawyer

Well, well, well…big surprise here.  A lawyer recommending you hire a lawyer.  Seriously, lawyers who focus on family law are a little jaded to the day to day drama of family division.  While highly sensitive to the needs of my clients, I know when something is just a big deal to you at this moment or whether it is really a game changer that has to be dealt with or your rights will suffer.  I can explain why you should or should not be concerned about things that happen and in this way keep you calmer and more rational when making important decisions that will affect you down the road.

 

2.     A Sense of Humor

While grieving the loss of a relationship it may seem inappropriate to laugh, but really the best humor gets at our deepest feelings so if something strikes you as a little off or funny it probably means you have stumbled on a kernel of truth about your situation.  Cherish it and laugh.  The act of releasing tension that laughter allows will help break the cycle of anger and concern you may feel at other times in the process.

 

3.      Put It in Writing

Writing is cathartic.  The physical act of typing on keys or writing with pencil or pan and paper helps us let go of our feelings and release them.  It also helps organize our thoughts.  Often the mind becomes cluttered with thoughts seemingly flying around in a tornado of emotion.  Writing down the thoughts let’s us see them clearly or gets them out of our minds to make room for new ideas.  If you are working on money or child custody issues, writing down financial information or custody schedule information can assist your lawyer or the court in helping you come to a settlement where if the ideas were just vague in your mind they might not be as helpful.  So put it in writing.  You will feel better.

4.     Reach Out

Seek support wherever and whenever you can.  The world is full of people who can help you but they can’t do it if you don’t make your needs known.  Talk to people and share a little bit about the challenges you face and you will soon have ideas on next steps to take.  Churches, hospitals, and other organizations have support groups that often meet free of charge.  Seek professional help from a mental health provider if you are feeling especially stressed or unable to manage your emotional issues.

5.  Don’t Neglect the Things You Enjoyed Before You Started The Divorce Process

If you have hobbies or interests, stay with them.  There is this tendency with people if they are in upheaval to abandon ordinary things in their lives that give them pleasure and happiness.  They let the big event take over everything.  Take time out for yourself.  Read, paint, draw, make or listen to music, write, take photographs, scrapbook, cook…whatever it is.  Gardening and being out in nature are especially good for the spirit if you have access to these activities.  Remember there was life before the divorce and there will be life after, therefore there must also be some living during the process.

 

Divorce and family problems drain us emotionally.   We go from grief, to anger, to love; from nostalgia over the past to anxiety about the future.  We worry about our finances, our children, our love lives.  We try to plan but keep getting caught up in the same cycle of emotional and not practical energy.

The truth is that the law doesn’t care about your emotions.  Family law has evolved to deal with only the practical considerations that come from dividing a family.  Those practical considerations deal mainly with money and how children are cared for.  You won’t get paid for the emotional harm that was done to you.  You can receive money to help you establish yourself financially if you were previously dependent on your spouse, but at some point you will be expected to earn what you are able to.  You also can protect what you worked hard to earn from being taken from you, although  you will be expected to share some of that with your spouse if that spouse provided support to you while you were earning it.  I understand all the ramifications of financial issues in divorce and I work with my clients to satisfy their immediate needs as well as those they will have on the future.

When it comes to raising children, the rule should be that each parent should do whatever he or she can to assist in the raising of children.  The courts used to almost insist that both parents be involved but that thinking has relaxed a little lately.  Both parents should recognize that they have a responsibility to their children but that doesn’t always happen.  It is also true that if the relationship ended because the parents could not get along, continued contact between them over the children can lead to more stress for all involved.  I assist people all the time in learning how to work together, and I favor as much involvement as possible from both parents.  Through my experience I have learned how to write agreements that are easy to understand and that promote good experiences for both parents and children.

A good family lawyer will help guide you across the minefield of your emotions and into the real heat of battle over your money and your kids.  The first battle you’ll have to fight is with yourself as you move away from any sense of revenge or anger and towards the planning of your future.  Then you are ready to face the reality of seeing where you are now and where the law will help you go.  The law can help you, but you will soon understand that most of what you will accomplish you will do on your own.  My job as your lawyer is to point you in the right direction and help you on your way.

Powered by WordPress | Theme: Motion by 85ideas.